What stuck with me from the final work is the image of a nook, an idea of holding and a sound of sizzling matches. In relation to the original object (the small diary that I started at the beginning of the year), I would say that I was reminded during this workshop that a diary is not just a collection of thoughts, but it can be a poetry machine, a space of quietness and safety, from a fluffy corner on the bed to the explosion of thoughts that always sparks, and never leaves us, even when we're still, even when we're stuck, even when we're asleep.
I guess I did not realise how deeply I went within myself during those difficult times. Although I was surrounded by people, I guess the biggest transformations were happening within me without knowing. Sometimes things happen when we're not looking, thinking or writing about them, and the kind of exercises Nithya led us through can reveal them without the necessity of words. Thank you for reminding me to interact with objects, paints and my mind creatively. I feel safe and held.
Utopia / Atopia When I think about utopia the first thing that comes to my mind is a socially just world, a world without the need of violence, competition or extraction. My utopia is for all humans to live in communion with nature and for technology to be part of this symbiosis, not outside of it. I really liked the concept of atopia which Nithya introduced - a process utopia - in an uncontrollable world, the only thing that matters is how we carry ourselves through it, how we can be with and within ourselves and with others. Standing still in movement, moving in stillness. A permanence of process, of change of dreams and reality. A self without world and world without self. A space without place and a place without space. All utopias of each mind that's ever existed within one blob of safety, placelessness and timelessness.
My greatest take away from this historical moment is the need for reconnection with ALL of our senses (not just visuality) with the natural core of all existence, with a particular attitude of calmness. This argument is wide and known - the pandemic has made us slow down. But has it? How fast are we scrolling on our (news)feeds, how fast do we reply to messages, emails and voice notes? How much anxiety do we still get when reading the news? I feel like we all know we have to slow down and (re)turn towards our insides, but the conditions of our human existence seem to not allows us to really reconnect with our shy, deeply hidden and evasive interior living. I want to remember that no matter what happens, I can turn everything inside out and upside down and try to find a place of calmness. What I would tell my future self is simply "it's okay" - it's okay that you cannot cross everything off your list, it's okay that you don't want to respond to that message, it's okay that you just want to stay in bed today, it's okay that you cannot control anything or plan even a week ahead. It's okay to be confused and lost.
OBJECT | JOURNAL